Red's adventures of lameness
by Zambo
Summary: Pokemon trainer Red Begins his journey into the Pokemon world!


An alarm begins to ring as a new day began.

Reaching over to turn off the alarm, a young man of 10 named Red yawned. Today was the day he would set off on his Pokemon adventure!

"I better hurry!" he said, "Professor Oak wont wait long!" Red rushed to get dressed and ran downstairs. His mother was there doing motherly things and saw her son in a rush.

"Well hello Red." She spoke, "I know this is a big day for you but, don't overdo it ok?"

"Mom I need to get going!" Red said halfway out the door. Red couldn't wait to get his first Pokemon from professor Oak. He knew exactly the one he wanted too, the fire type Pokemon, Charmander.

Red walked into Oak's lab to see that he wasn't the first one there, Standing beside Oak was his Rival Blue. They have always fought since childhood.

"Well hello Red!" Oak said with pride in his voice, "Once the last Child gets here we can begin." Red was confused by what the professor said, the last child?

"Uhh, professor?" Red asked, "Who's the last child?-" Red was cut off as the lab doors opened. In walked the new girl, she had just moved from Johto to Pallet town.

"Sorry I'm late professor." She said.

"its fine," Oak said as he began to walk to the end of the lad with the Children following, "We can begin now. As you all must know there are many Pokemon out there, some of which have yet to be discovered. But no one has been able to document them all until my latest invention." Oak lifted a small device from the table. "I bring you, the PokeDex!" The children looked with awe.

"So if you were able to document all the Pokemon on that, why do you need us?" Blue asked.

"Well, I actually haven't documented anything on this yet.." Oak admitted. "That's why I need you three's help. I want you to Travel the region and capture and record all of the Pokemon."

"that sounds difficult.." Said the new girl.

"Ha, not for an expert like me." Blue boasted.

"To start you off I have these three Pokemon for you, you can each have one." Oak said as he pointed to three poke balls. "Red how about you first?" Red walked up to the middle one, he knew it was Charmander and he picked it up.

"Well in that case," Blue said, "I guess I'll take the Squirtle." Blue grinned at Red.

Red put down the ball and picked up Bulbasaur's ball, Blue did the same for Charmander.

"Your the worst Blue." Red said with a glare.

"Munch my nuts Red." Blue retorted.

Red gave him a shocked stare. Never before had he heard such vulgar language from Blue. He snatched the Charmander from Blue and walked next to the new girl.

"Can you believe that guy?" Red said to the girl as Blue walked to the end of the table smugly.

"I know," the girl said, "only an idiot would like a guy like him!"

"I'm Red by the way." Red said with a smile.

"I'm Green, nice to meet you!"

"Ok Green, I guess that means you get Bulbasaur." Oak said as he handed her the Poke-Ball and then a PokeDex. He Gave Red and Blue their PokeDexs too. "Now I'm counting on you kids." Oak began walking them to the door. "Now remember," He said as he stood next to the door, "If you don't catch all one hundred and fifty by the next time I see you, I'm going to stick my disgusting old man junk in your mom Red."

"Wait wha-" Red was shoved out the door.

"I hope your ready to lose ass hat." Blue said as he walked in front of Red. "I challenge you to a Poke Battle!"

"How about, no." Red stood up and began to walk off. "I've got stuff to do, like catch Pokemon,"

And so began the Pokemon adventures of Red! A trainer who was aiming for the top so he could catch all 150 Pokemon so his mother wouldn't be raped by some creepy old man! But his Rival Blue was close behind! Green on the other hand did absouluteley nothing! On His travels Red found a Gym Leader who wanted to breed Pokemon and rape women when no one was looking! Red Also met a slutty Gym leader who had a menstrual cycle because she didn't have enough cash to buy another bike! Red also met an evil organization called team Rocket who couldn't do jack shit and he defeated them! Red worked his way through the Kanto region, caught all 150 Pokemon and became the league champion! All that was left to do was defeat Blue, get the girl, and rescue his mother!

Red returned to Pallet Town. He saw all the familiar sites of his home town, His house, Blues house, the lab. Blue was waiting for him in front of the lab.

"So you've finally returned," Blue spoke smugly. "I've been waiting for this since to Poke-league. Lets battle, right here, right now!" Red said nothing and pulled out a PokeBall. The two stood for a moment. Blue made the first move, he threw the pokeball and it exploded into light revealing his first Pokemon Pidgeot. Red threw his Master ball and out of it came Mewtwo.

"Wait a second.." Blue said nervously.

"Mewtwo, do something cool and beat it!" Red said. So then Mewtwo spammed its super cheap psychic powers and Red defeated Blue. Mewtwo of course gained no experience because he's almost impossible to level up.

"Your a cheating dick you know that?" Blue said as he walked off. Red began his his second task, which was get the girl. He started searching for Green. He knew that she would have to return his feelings for her because Blue was a dick. After 4 seconds of searching Red found her. She looked exactly the same because thats the way it was in their world. He walked up to Green and began to speak.

"Green I-" he was cut off.

"Geez your so needy you know that?" Green began to rant. "The relationship has always been about you, and what you want, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?" Red stood there shocked. Green grabbed him by his collar. "WHY DONT YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN WE MAKE LOVE?"

"But we never-" Red was began but was cut off again.

"I've been cheating on you with Blue." Green said as she looked away. "He understands how to please a woman, good bye Red." Green ran off. Red was shocked, he had no idea what was going on, except that he failed at his second task. But he knew that he wouldn't fail the third, he was going to rescue his mom from the hands of a creepy old man!.

Red rushed to the Pokemon lab. He barged through the doors and grabbed his Pokedex.

"Professor Oak!" He yelled, "I have them all, all 150!"

"Hmm it seems you do." Oak said, "But you still failed."

"Well what the hell do you mean I still failed?" Red asked. Oak took the pokeDex to his desk for a moment and then gave it back to Red.

"That's a NationalDex Red." Oak began. "Its to document all the Pokemon from all the other Regions, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh.."

"That wasn't what you said!" Red yelled at Oak. "You said all 150 Pokemon and I have them all!"

"That's true." Oak said. "But now I've changed the rules. And I can do that cause I'm Professor Oak, bitch." Oak walked over to a bed that was covered. He took off the cover to reveal it was Red's mother in the bed. "Now you get to watch while I violate your Mother Red!"

Red was Speechless, his world was torn apart. He wanted to get away and write Emo poetry. He started his long journey to a place far away. He kept walking. Walking until he found a mountain. A cold, tall mountain. He scaled it and sat at the top. Red was so shocked by what had happened that he could no longer speak. Just as he began to think what he should do with the rest of his life, a Boy came up from behind him.

"Hey, I don't know who you are but I bet your good since your all the way up here on mount Silver." The Boy spoke. "I'm Gold and I challenge you to a Poke-battle!"

Red would have declined but he couldn't speak so he sent out his Mewtwo.

"Ha!" Gold said. "I have one of those, but I bet I can one up you!" Gold threw out a Poke ball and out came a Pokemon Red had never seen before. "Arceus obliterate the Mewtwo!" Gold said and Arceaus did so.

Gold had defeated Red. Red didn't know what he had left, he was obviously not the best trainer in the world as he was just defeated by some random punk. Red decided he would just stay at the top of the mountain and do nothing. And so he did.

As the years passed the Poke-World evolved and grew, new trainers had come to see the wash-up that was Red and battle him. He never won another match. His hard work had been for nothing. He didn't even find a Mew under a truck. What was this all for? Was his life just some game to be reset and played at some kids desire? And what if it was? Where does that leave him? Was he truly even a per-

-pause-

-new game-

An alarm begins to ring as a new day began...

* * *

I really cant say why I decided to make a Pokemon story in all honesty.

But I do love Pokemon.

and I didnt think I would ever come back to this site and write again thats for sure but I guess theres still people who are reading my Halo story.

so I guess I'm back, if you care.


End file.
